


I don't deserve your Forgiveness, but I'll never stop searching for it

by YawningCat



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Arsene Lupin III A+ Parenting, Attempted Angst and Humour, Conan is just his little brother, Everyone always says tagging is hard but it's so hard!, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Happy Ending?, High School, Kuroba Kaito isn't Kaitou KID, M/M, Mafia AU, Magic, Magicians, Male Friendship, Plot Twists, Rating May Change, Shinichi isn't Conan, Tags May Change, Uke Kaito, Warnings May Change, Yakuza, Yusaku and Toichi's A+ Parenting, because even mafia bosses need to go to school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:26:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4086769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YawningCat/pseuds/YawningCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Black Organisation; a mafia gang that operates all over Japan. It has managed to avoid the police and other gangs for a little over a century due to its strict hierarchy and harsh punishments. It’s lead by Yusaku Kudo and as part of a long standing tradition each generation of the Kuroba family have served as the trusted right-hand man to their respective Kudo. But the system is disrupted when Toichi tries to ‘free’ his newborn child from a life of deceit and shame. Yusaku doesn’t take to kindly to having Shinichi’s servant stolen from him and despite his love for the other man knows he must be punished… what he doesn’t know is that it was twins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't deserve your Forgiveness, but I'll never stop searching for it

**Author's Note:**

> Right, I'll apologise before hand because this is my first fic... please be kind :) 
> 
> Anywayssss, this is a bit a head canon about Yusaku and Toichi but the main pairings all revolve around Kaito (not Kaitou). The prologue is far too long but please enjoy. I'll attempt to update once a month... is that too long??
> 
> \--edit--
> 
> The prologue will be further explained in another story that will be written eventually, for more info please read the end notes or leave a question/request in the comments :3
> 
> Oh and the rating is Mature only because this is the mafia and to just be safe, but this will probably become explicit at some point though so be warned: the story isn't exactly planned out but violence, drugs and sex may all be showcased at some point. If anything I write gets a little edgy I will add trigger warnings to be safe and add things in the tags but I doubt anything will really get too serious. I want to keep this happy and comedic as it's my first work.
> 
> And after saying all that I just want to also add violence, drugs and sex may NOT be showcased. I've never tried to write it before so if I think it just sounds terrible I'll probably keep everything off screen like in this chapter. 
> 
> Please enjoy!! XD

\- - -  
Prologue  
\- - - 

Yusaku loved his wife. How could anyone expect him not to when she was so beautiful and talented, not to mention that she had just bore him a child. A son. His son. The son that would continue his lineage and lead the family business to further prosperity. Yet despite his love for the woman he couldn’t stop himself from seeking out Toichi. Their relationship, though physical at times, was one of the mind. Instead of the lulling comfort and warm embraces he received from Yukiko he got a sense of understanding and companionship from his right-hand man. They suffered from the same wounds and despite Yukiko’s best efforts she could never understand the hardships of the business like he and Toichi could. Much of their alone time together was not spent in bed but in deep conversation about anything from the trivial everyday to the ‘jobs’ that still haunt them.

But the best thing about their relationship was the chance to take out their frustrations. Neither would forgive themselves if they hurt their wives so they took it out on each other instead. They never hit one another or touched the other in any non-consensual way but on occasion Yusaku would admit he went too hard too quickly, not that the other seemed to mind, and Toichi knew some of the marks he left were sometimes overly vicious.

The clandestine affair was a well kept secret between the two and Yusaku was certain none of the other men knew about it, but he was equally sure his wife did know. They never spoke of it and they still professed to loving each other dearly but he couldn’t help himself sometimes. It was likely Chikage knew as well, perhaps even before Yukiko, she had grown up as a thief on the streets of Paris. Yukiko and Chikage were also very close and Yusaku suspected they had a similar intellectual relationship but it was unlikely they had the physical aspect. Their deep friendship was no secret and the two couples spent a lot of time in the other’s presence because of the two women.

Maybe that was why it hurt so much.

Toichi had been his most trusted advisor and he already missed the other. Usually in this situation he could just threaten to kill the wife and force the traitor back, but in this case she was gone too, not that he would lay a hand on Chikage. Yukiko would never be the same and he too loved the other woman as he would a sister, and Toichi knew that. He would call his bluff if he even tried and that would just backfire and make him look weak in front of his men. That meant the only way to punish Toichi for his betrayal was to kill him. As the Boss he couldn’t afford to show any weakness or lenience to men that disobeyed him, especially his right-hand man. This was for the good of the gang. His family. Yes, his priority was Shinichi and the others. He couldn’t let Toichi’s insolence oppose his goals. But it still hurt. He couldn’t even make an official order for Toichi’s capture for a week, wishing he would come back on his own volition. He didn’t.

Toichi was arguably his best man there was little to no chance he could be captured alive so Yusaku could deal with him himself. The only option left was to order a hit and Yusaku hated it. He didn’t want to kill his best friend (with benefits) in such an impersonal way. He found himself wishing he could just talk to the man but he knew it was impossible.

\- - -

Yusaku was not angry, he was furious. He had spoken to his men and he didn’t like what they had told him. At all.

They couldn’t find him anywhere.

They’re were all useless in comparison to Toichi and it hurt, it hurt that he would leave just like that without an explanation. He was glad his wife had Shinichi to busy herself with, she had yet to breakdown about her the loss of her best friend but he knew it was inevitable. His emotions conflicted painfully and the fact that he still had yet to properly celebrate his son’s birth with the people he wanted there the most left him bitter. Not being able to take out his frustration like he normal would he found himself with a killer headache and wondered when exactly he had become so dependent on Toichi.

Yusaku was just about to take another pain killer and get some work done when Yukiko came in carrying their precious son. She complained about never getting to see him anymore and he gave in to her whining and followed the pair to their living room in the Kudo mansion. There were many rooms like this one in the mansion but this was his favourite. The window view out of the vast gardens was a masterpiece all year round and the colour scheme suited it perfectly no matter the weather. The sky today though was a stormy grey and it reminded him of Toichi’s charcoal eyes. Quite suddenly he found he hated the view and closed the curtains under the pre-tense that “it looks like it’s going to rain tonight”.

His wife only hummed in response though it was more directed at Shinichi as he clumsily reached for his mother’s hair. They were perfect. Everything Yusaku could have asked for and more and he hated that his friend had to distract him from the earliest stages of Shinichi’s life and leave his dear Yukiko to deal with it alone (she had refused to let a maid or anyone else care for Shinichi, something Yusaku was actually very pleased about). The silence that enveloped the room was comfortable until Yukiko broke it.

“You love him don’t you.”

It wasn’t a question and they both knew the answer. He answered anyway because it felt right to finally admit it.

“Yes, not the way I love you, Yukiko, but… Yes I do.”

There was a pause, a lull in the conversation that similarly to the first abruptly came to an end.

“At the time I thought nothing of it when Chikage told me she wanted her child to live, but when I said it was going to be perfectly healthy she told me that wasn’t what she meant. I have thought about it and I realise she was saying she didn’t want her child to end up as damaged as Toichi, to feel the same strain you and he have felt everyday since your father died and you took over. I suspect Toichi felt the same.”

“…Your saying he left me because he thought his child deserved better?”

He didn’t know why it upset him so much, any parent would think a mafia headquarters weren’t a god place to raise a kid but Toichi had been raised here too, it wasn’t that bad, it didn’t justify him leaving.

“I am saying he doesn’t want to hurt his family, but… I think I may know where they are…”

“What?!”

“Chikage mentioned an old friend of hers to me once, Ruby, from her French days, she may be with her.”

“Where?” Yusaku asked eerily calm.

“I want you to promise me you won’t do anything you’ll regret to Toichi and Chikage.”

“I promise now where are they?”

Yukiko tells him everything she knows and he’s off. She hopes Chikage can forgive her.

\- - -

Toichi honestly felt bad for leaving like he did. He had planned to get his wife and child (not plural) out and then return to face his punishment, but he couldn’t leave. It was cowardly he knew but he didn’t think he could face Yusaku right now even with his poker face.

He missed the other though and his wife, he wanted to spend time with their new son Shinichi and pretend he didn’t feel so scared ever time a ‘job’ came up. Even as the right-hand man he was expected to perform missions that took him hundreds of miles away, although those jobs were rare. He knew Yusaku would be hunting for them by now, he’d find them soon. He had to go to him. Explain and tell him he’ll do two generations worth of work all the while begging forgiveness. Both Toichi and Chikage had seen what happened to deserters but neither truly believed it would happen to them, maybe the Kudos had just been too generous with them to really instill any fear in either of the Kurobas. His father would be appalled, he left his duty and stole the new heir’s future right-hand man.

“What a mess.” He sighed simply.

“Indeed.” Was his wife’s reply.

She had given birth on the 21st of June to two boys, identical twins. It had been a huge surprise to everyone involved, no one would have even guessed it was twins. But thanks to the twins Toichi had a plan, or rather at least one got freedom.

\- - -

Yusaku had his men surround the building, despite what Yukiko had told them it was still hard to find, but that didn’t matter now. He had them, him, in his grasp again. Yusaku gave the signal and they entered the building.

\- - -

Toichi had spoken with Ruby, Lupin and Jii about them taking a child for them and they agreed, Chikage had been reluctant but knew it was necessary and these were people she knew she could trust; even if they were all thieves they were her family.

And so it was agreed the oldest son would escape that night with the other three, as it was stronger, and the youngest would stay with his Mother. Chikage had a name already picked for their child, Kaito, so it was decided the youngest would keep this name as the Kudos already knew of her choice, it might seem suspicious if she changed her mind or maybe they were just paranoid. The oldest’s name, after much debate, was decided; Kaitou KID. Or Kid for short. It was a mock up of everything they thought of and a little like an inside joke but they decided he could pick any name he wanted when he started school, he’d surely get bullied otherwise. The name came from his time of birth, 14:12, and the joke that Kaito was like Kaitou and he was being raised by a group of Kaitou. No one mentioned how it was likely he would himself become a thief given his blood and stand-in parents’ professions.

Toichi doubted Yusaku would let him come back after this but if his wife and children were taken care of he didn’t mind. He was glad at least one escaped but he knew Yusaku wouldn’t let the last of the Kuroba bloodline escape his duty to serve the Kudo family. He promised himself that Yusaku would never find out it was twins, then the other would be in danger… He couldn’t, wouldn’t allow that.

Later that night Ruby, Lupin and Jii disappeared into the darkness carrying KID with them. Chikage cried.

\- - -

When he followed his men into the last room he saw Chikage kneeling on the ground cradling a bundle of blankets with something making cooing noises from within and next to her, also kneeling, was her husband who had his eyes closed and a small sad smile on his face. They didn’t look like a couple with over twenty guns pointed at them but Yusaku decided this was probably a normal reaction to the situation for a Kuroba.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find you?”

“This was my mistake, please take my wife and son back. You may do what you want to me.”

Yusaku struck Toichi, for the first time in his life he used violence, although the bare minimum, against his best friend and lover. Yusaku thought belatedly that it was probably the mixture of pent up rage and the fact that Toichi hadn’t answered his question; he was tired of being disobeyed by those he trusted. Toichi kept his head turned to the side it had been forced to, eyes down cast, in any other situation Yusaku thinks he may find the show of submission somewhat adorable, but not now. Now it only brought him a heavy heart and a strange, cloying urge to comfort.

“Do you think I have already forgotten that? Of course I can do what I want to you, you are the one who has forgotten who you belong to.” His voice harsher than his thoughts.

“…”

“Take them” Yusaku stated coldly whilst motioning to Chikage and Kaito “to the car and leave me.” His men slowly filed out of the room after dragging Chikage to her feet and pushing her out the door.

Once they were alone the tension was palpable and Toichi felt numb. He had been hit. He expected much worse but for some reason his heart didn’t want to start working again after that.

“I am sorry Yusa-”

His apology was cut short by a mouth suddenly smothering his own. He relented control immediately and felt arms envelope him, he tentatively returns the hug. Yusaku actions surprised himself as much as Toichi but he decided it was okay to be a little weak, just for now, just while all his anger turned to sorrow.

“I am sorry too.”

They stay like that for a few minutes, both on they knees because they'd collapse otherwise with Yusaku’s arms encasing Toichi’s neck and lower back while Toichi’s arms wrapped themselves around Yusaku’s shoulders, inhaling each other’s scent before they speak again.

“You know I could still let you live. If you never did this again I could forgive you.” Yusaku desperately tries to reassure, though it’s unclear who he’s trying to convince.

“We both know I’m dying tonight.” Toichi has thought this through meticulously and his mind knows what he speaks to be the truth, yet his heart wants to cling to the promise but instead he just hold Yusaku’s shoulders tighter.

“You don’t have to…” Yusaku knows he’s crying but he’s not sure when it started. He feels no need to stop.

“His name is Kaito.” Toichi knows he can’t allow himself to hear the end of that statement, he knows it will break him and he doesn’t want Yusaku to have their last memory together tainted with his tears. He wants to be strong enough for them both right now.

“I love you.” He isn’t sobbing, he swears he isn’t sobbing.

“… I think that’s the first time you’ve ever told me that.” His steady voice quivers toward the end. Neither comment on it.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

\- - -

A loud bang is heard from within the building, Yusaku hadn’t bother to put a silencer on the gun, he found no reason to, the building they were in was miles from anywhere else. He had shot Toichi Kuroba in the chest, wiped his face because he had not just been crying and walked out into the night.

“Why isn’t it raining? Pathetic Fallacy has failed me…” He mutters to himself as he stares at nothing in particular.

“The car is ready to go Kudo-Sama.” A faceless man informs hims with a curt head bow.

Yusaku walks over to the car and Chikage Kuroba. She looks dead. He asks if he can hold Kaito and once he has him in his arms he feels regret.

“I broke my promise to Yukiko.”

\- - -

Yukiko and Chikage were both smart women, they knew what their husbands were doing behind their backs. They just never found the right time to comment on it.

They were grateful to have one another though, it stopped them from going insane inside a mansion of nothing but dirty money and heartless thugs. But they never dared touch each other like their husbands did. Not because they feared any repercussions exactly, but just because they knew it would be too complicated when everything fell apart. Call it womans’ intuition.

When Shinichi was born Chikage was the first to congratulate Yukiko not just Yusaku like everyone else and when Chikage returned she repaid the favour by giving her a comforting shoulder and soft words of reassurance.

Yukiko and Chikage loved each other dearly and they touched all the time be it physically or intellectually; just never sexually. Not because they each had children now, just because they never desired anything more than each others forgiveness.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?? Good? Bad? Feel free to point out any grammatical errors like: "your going home" instead of "you're going home"
> 
> I'm English so colour is spelt with a 'u' and the phrase "I couldn't care less" is not "I could care less" because that literally means you care a least a bit and could care less (does that make sense... I think my examples aren't very clear, sorry) just in case anyone was wondering... 
> 
> Should I spell Toichi like Touichi ?? If any one has a preference tell me in the comments :3
> 
> I tried to go quite deep to set the scene for the future chapters but I don't think it will really stay dark. All the character's masks are too good for that XP Sorry for any OOCness and calling it the mafia when it should be the yakuza but whatever.
> 
> If anyone is wondering why Chikage is searching for forgiveness from Yukiko it for making Yusaku feel regret every time he sees her, Yusaku being sad makes Yukiko sad so she feels sad... and for just leaving her alone in general. She's also searching for forgiveness from her son (Kaitou KID) for not being there for him. Yukiko just feels bad for helping Yusaku find Toichi but also feels bad for not telling him sooner. Yusaku just feels sad...
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave kudos (haha) at least and if you have time a review (even a negative one) would be great.
> 
> \--edit--
> 
> I've decided I really like Yusaku and Toichi as characters and so I'll be making another story linked to this one going into more detail about their relationship, I'll also make sure to explain how Chikage didn't know it was twins (basically because of the mafia she didn't really go into any hospitals so it was all done by private doctors who just kinda missed it... if that sounds too convenient you can just imagine they were busier with Yukiko than Chikage) and what exactly her 'French Days' entailed. At some point in the near future the other BO members will be introduced I'm just not sure if their be written well...  
> Kaitou Corbeau will also make an appearance I'm sure.
> 
> Okay just so everyone knows I'll probably write from Kaito's perspective for the rest of the story, not sure if that means first person, like "I watch Shinichi leave the room, I don't know where he is going.", or just following him, like "Kaito watched Shinichi leave, he doesn't know where the other is going.", maybe I'll doing it like the reader is Kaito... or is that the same as first person?? ((Examples are harder than tags, I seriously want to apologise to anyone that I've confused)). There will probably be some POV cameos in there from Shinichi, Chikage and others too (they're just so easy to write some times).
> 
> If anyone has any requests or side notes they want desperately like "I want Conan to be jealous of Kaito so he tries to learn magic to impress Shinichi" or "Please make Hakuba have a habit of eating cheese before bed and having weird dreams" I'll (more than likely) deliver happily to the best of my abilities.
> 
> For anyone that doesn't know Ruby is Chat Noir. I think this explains most plot holes for now... *sneeze*


End file.
